In Defense of Anusara

I suppose I’ve been itching to speak up a certain quote (which has been asked to be removed) has given me the fuel I needed to stand out in the crowd. Although I suppose mine is a voice from the “silent majority,” I don’t think this is what John is hoping to hear. I’m also nervous about the response to my remarks from the VVM’ers – please know I’m using the acronym with respect and appreciation for your revolutionary, "do-better" spirit. I am here, still hugging the midline, taking the middle path, and on purpose too. 

Here's my truth... I don't believe my path is really clear yet. Although many predictions have been offered, I do not stand with a view of the outcome as others have expressed they do. I need a little more time, a little more information, and a little more understanding. Learning patience - that's a gift yoga gave me and I am proud to use it. I don't believe it makes me weak, or vulnerable, or stupid. I am a Taurus after all - I am strong and I am watching for the time and place that I can be most effective.

When this all first came down, I can't say I was surprised. Even though I've been involved with Anusara since 1999 I did not have any sort of personal relationship with John Friend. Rather than call him "my teacher" I called him "my teacher's teacher." Sianna Sherman is the one who found me and sparked my passion for yoga. Perhaps this is why I don't feel as crushed as many others seem to be. I made an effort to take a workshop with John once a year. I also had some warning dreams about John. So, I took my seat at a comfortable distance. I assimilated what resonated with me, offered my gratitude, and then I went on with my life. Perhaps this is why it took me 11 years to move from affiliated, through inspired, to certified just before everything blew up? I'm a busy girl... mother, teacher, artist. This is one of many reasons I have waited to organize and speak my thoughts about this situation. Believe me there is a lot for me to organize and comprehend. My path through "Anusara-world" has been a long and winding one. I have many MANY conflicting thoughts and emotions, as I'm sure many of "the other silent ones" do. I align in some way with most of the opinions that have been expressed even when they seem to be conflicting - or is it complementary opposites balancing each other out. I have an interest, respect, and gratitude for all the voices that are joining together to portray a more complete picture of our community at large. To see many sides of one thing has always been a blessing and a challenge for me. It's hard to make up your mind when you are so open-minded. This is me - please don't berate me for being true to myself.

Because there has been such a call for those of us who have been “quiet” to speak up, I will oblige. This is what I do know... I love Anusara - not John Friend - although I am deeply grateful for all the inspiration and insight he has offered our community. I give John credit for organizing the style and the system - but I also believe that Anusara is "bigger" than John Friend. Just as John taught all these years, Anusara was divinely inspired and simply found her way into the world through him in a process he called co-creation. I imagine this to happen much the same way that the soul of a child finds their way into the world through their parents - but is not "of their parents."

Anusara changed my life for the better - I know this! Anusara Yoga is among one of the greatest blessings in my life and I'm just not really sure I'm done with her yet. Anusara Yoga helped me move from pain to grace and ease. It helped me to be a more positive, proactive, kind, confident, compassionate, understanding, open, wise, and friendly person. As I believe Anusara to be bigger than John Friend, I believe she is ready to transcend him if she gets the support and the outlet she needs. Look at the way she is working through others to wrestle herself away from John. John is holding her steady in his chains but I'm not so sure he has the capacity to hold her forever.

I also haven't spoken up because I think it’s important to offer solutions if you are offering criticism and until now, I haven't been exactly clear about how I would like this to resolve. I was never 100% happy with Anusara but it was always better than any other option I had. I didn't resign because it was not an empowering choice FOR ME. I see that it was for many others and I respect everyone for following their heart. I stayed not for John Friend but because I had, and continue to have hope that the style of yoga that I need and love can transcend John Friend. Don't mistake my devotion to the style for devotion to John Friend. I stand here in the wings, sensitive to the way that things are aligning. I haven't been more involved simply because of personal circumstances. I stand out here in the outer rim continuing to do what I have always done which is to serve those who I come into contact with my full heart. I am teaching the same as I always have.

When the news first broke, I felt the earth shake. I felt myself on the middle of a fault-line. I watched the community begin to crumble and break apart. I felt like I was standing right in the middle – unsure of which side to jump to. The thing is neither side seemed better than the other and it still doesn’t. So, I continue to stand just where I was waiting and watching for my moment of clarity. I’m ok here. I have a lot more going on in my life than what John Friend does in his free time. I know many of you have already reached a point of clarity. I hope you have peace there and I will be looking forward to mine when I get there. I just don’t have that yet.
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"This is happening to me for a reason bigger than myself." This was my mantra as I struggled through my certification process. Many of the complaints that have been offered about certification process were part of my journey as well. “Challenging” was the most proactive word I can use to describe it. I did receive many benefits through the process but I also doubted my “alignment with Anusara” many, many times. There were two reasons I stuck with it. One – I saw it as the best way for me to serve my local yoga community. That reason is now gone, as I am one of the very few in my area who have not resigned my affiliation with Anusara (public or silent.) Two – when it came down to it- when I wanted to take a yoga class, I only wanted to take an Anusara class. If Anusara is the only one I wanted to take I figured it should be the one I teach.

There is great debate abound about whether it’s “good or not” to participate in only one particular style. For me – it’s important. I have been participating in movement-based classes for most of my life. I have been through tremendous injuries and because of that my body is sensitive. The Anusara style works impeccably well for me and other styles just do not work as well. I don’t believe that Anusara is better or worse than any other style. I just know it has always worked for me. I like being able to go to a class and know that the format, sequencing, and “goals” will be supportive of me.

On the flip side of this I do believe that the expectations of the teachers has become too rigid. In the beginning years of Anusara I felt so empowered, so uplifted, and so inspired. Enter the certification process. I began to feel more and more limited. I much preferred when the Anusara philosophy was a more general alignment with intrinsic goodness rather than the Shiva-Shakti philosophy. To be honest it started to creep me out as Anusara began to feel more religious. I grew up in the Catholic Church, which was led by doctrine and expectation and Anusara was beginning to feel like that for me. There was too much memorizing and much less freedom of the heart.

I stand by the Anusara-style at this time because the alignment principles have worked for me and for so many students. I don’t think they are perfect and I don’t think they apply in 100% of instances as it has often been suggested but they are good! As an athlete, a personal trainer, a group fitness trainer, and now a yogi, I have been exposed to many forms of alignment and muscular action. In my experience Anusara is the most complete and easy to apply method. I stand with Anusara because the teachings of: looking for the good, cultivating harmony by balancing complementary opposites, and the quest for intrinsic goodness, have been some of the most powerful concepts that HAVE brought more grace into my life.

I like sharing these universal teachings in a language that is associated with the Anusara style. I like the alignment principles, the loops, the spirals, the heart language. I like being happy and loving way more than I liked being sad and angry. I like to inspire my students to try to practice with empowering heart qualities. I stand by the style because I like so many of the class components: the time to center, time to come together as a group, inner body awareness, moving from the inner body, dynamic warm-up, the general sequence, the variations of poses, (in the early days) – creative expression of the poses, spiritual inspiration woven throughout the class, an organizing theme (although I also feel like this element has gone overboard), the intention to incorporate wisdom of practice into everyday life. Of course there are more but these are what I look for in a yoga class and in my town rarely find them outside of an Anusara class.

Obviously there are benefits to other styles and I’m glad that those who resonate with those styles have them. Me? I have had Anusara. I really don’t want to lose that. Whether I will stay or go in the near future and whether Anusara finds a way to go on or not, it will always be the foundation of my yogic experience. That is mine – not John Friend’s or anyone else’s. While I’m grateful for the style, I also give credit to many other teachers who impacted my personal growth. I believe that these inspirations from other styles and experiences should also have a place within my practice and in my teaching. I don’t think Anusara needs to be as exclusive as it’s become. I’m going to take Tara Judelle as an example here. I love taking her YogaGlo classes because within the framework of an Anusara class, she incorporated other mind-body-spirit teachings and inspirations that offered the potential for even more exploration and growth. This is how Anusara should be allowed to grow - on her own - rather than being so restricted.
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So, to the resolution I would like to see. I would like to see John Friend be a friend to Anusara and let her go to the world. Let the licensing feature of Anusara go. Let it be it’s own - loosely defined style as it seemed to be back in the beginning…. simple, pure, uplifting, and empowering. Let those of us who love it and want to share it add our voices and the energy of hearts. Sianna put it so eloquently back in the early days of the debacle but I can’t find or remember the exact quote right now. Maybe someone else has it?

Anusara could be much like “power yoga” or “hot yoga” – a style that has some central elements but is open to creative adaptation. Great teachings, offered freely, open to creative exploration…. Principles and guidelines….not rules. Let’s give Anusara her wings. Let the teachers teach rather than be policed. Let us use the name freely with trust that we will uphold her integrity.

As much as I want the name of Anusara to be free, I also think there is a place for Anusara Inc. Use Anusara Inc. to develop training materials and support products for students and teachers. Anusara Inc. could serve as a base of support for the current community and a foundation of growth for a future community by allowing a more open platform. There is plenty of income to be made in good books, products, and other training materials. There’s no reason John can’t continue to make a good living without owning everyone. Grow Anusara Press. Open your doors to support teachers, writers, artists who align with the ideal of intrinsic goodness.

To sit where I am is not costing me anything I have not already paid or pledged. I am not losing any personal integrity in my choice. The last license agreement I signed was way back in 2001 and back then it was very simple. I do know that if the new license agreement comes and restricts my personal freedom, I won’t be able to sign it. I fully understand why so many with more current licenses have left. When my certification was finally approved, in early December 2011, I found myself hoping I would be able to sign the license. I had received the newsletter about the pending license changes and I was worried that there would be too much that I disagreed with and that after all my time, effort, money, and energy I wouldn’t be able to sign it. Getting RYT credentials was a big motivator for me. I felt trapped by the plan set up by Anusara with Yoga Alliance. Certainly John was controlling and limiting upcoming teachers through this agreement. This was among several aspects of certification that I felt was unfair. As I waited for my new license to arrive I actually found myself wishing for a little shakeup. I had no idea it would be this dramatic!

I would like to see a restructuring of an Anusara style on either side of this great divide that goes back to Anusara’s roots. You show me a group that offers what Anusara has offered with personal freedom – I’m there. I don’t really care what side it’s on as long as the focus is on the greater good rather than personal gain.

In Kula Evolution, I saw a group working to create a new structure, I held out hope. I also saw…. What was the other one? There was a group created by some of the “VVM’ers I believe. But I haven’t seen anything happen with that. At the moment, I can’t even remember the name even though I thought it was a great idea at the time. I’ve seen Christina, Darren, + Noah come together but that seems to be their own deal. So where to go? I guess I’ll just stay where I am for now has continued to be my stance. THEN… I read “John’s” most recent letter and my stomach sank. “Disgusted” isn’t looking for the good but it certainly was my first reaction. I really don’t know what to do now. But at 39 years old, I’ve learned for me it’s best to wait until I know what I really want before I move ahead.

I suppose it’s mostly to encourage you to not be to mean or critical of my remarks, I’ll tell you I’m nervous writing this. I’ll also share this story with you to hopefully soften your heart toward me. I was at my 8-year old’s dance recital tonight. My daughter shines in the spotlight. It just comes natural to her. She loves the attention. She plays to the crowd. She is remarkable up there in front of everyone. I love watching her. Next to her was a girl covering her eyes, turning her body away from the bright lights. That is my nature. I’ve worked very hard to get the courage to stand in the seat of the teacher. I’m a good teacher. I’m sensitive to my students. I lead them in a kind way and I encourage them to be true to themselves and to do that which supports them. Sometimes that means stepping out of their comfort zones like I’m doing by sharing this letter with you all today. There may be things you disagree with but please don’t be mean. Listen. We’ve all got something important to say. Some of us are just a little more reserved with our views and our opinions but that doesn’t make us complacent. Me and my daughter – we’re opposite in so many ways, but our love is unbreakable! Just because someone sees things from a different angle doesn’t mean they are wrong. There’s truth in every voice.

A song just popped into my head….

“come together…… right now….. over me

He roller-coaster, he got early warning
He got muddy water, he one mojo filter
He say "One and one and one is three"
Got to be good-looking cos he's so hard to see


Come together right now over me

Yeah oh 
Come together
 Yeah come together
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With all the fierceness, with all the sweetness, with all the patience, with all the courage, with all...

Wow! We’d be somethin’! wouldn’t we?


Since I suddenly seem to have found a clear voice I’ll also add this about my personal opinions about John. I’ve never been privy to the inner circle. Although I’ve spent at least more than 100 hours with John, I’ve had maybe 10 lines of conversation with him. But in the 13 years I’ve known him, I personally never saw him behave inappropriately. I thought his words to students were almost always kind and encouraging and way above average. Then again – I wasn’t aware of the inner workings and deeper relationships - so perhaps I didn’t catch the subtleties I suppose. My grandfather was a pretty manipulative man so I know that meanness can often been covered so that only the victim knows what’s going on. The only time I ever saw John behave in an unkind way was to Jordan Kirk at the teacher training he shared with Sianna in Cincinnati because he was sick. Jordan did not do something fast enough – I can’t remember if it was the answer to a question or an assist. As soon as he shouted at her, he made a comment to his defense. He said, “if I’m not here to lead, I need people who will step up and take care of Anusara.” I heard a deep concern and fear in his voice about the safety of Anusara. I could tell he was worried “about his baby.” As a mother, I have deep empathy for the safety of a baby. Anusara is in trouble. John if you are reading, or if anyone is reading for him, please convey my true concern. Anusara is in trouble. John Friend is the only one who can save her by letting go of his choke-hold. I’ll stand by her for a while longer. I stand here with the intention of being a guardian of Anusara not an enabler of John Friend. I stand here with gratitude and love for the style, and for her creator, and for all those who have nurtured her along the way. I love her to the depths of my heart. I’m worried for her. I want her to be ok. Outside of the Anusara – drama, I just lost my best, pet friend less than two weeks ago. After fighting cancer for three years and then struggling in a losing battle for the last six weeks, I put her to sleep. The suffering was too great for all of us. I know that sometimes ending a life is the best way to set it’s soul free but I just don’t feel ready to do that with Anusara quite yet. So if you’ve been wondering why anyone could possibly stay with Anusara, I hope that my story will shed a little light on some of us “silent” folks.