Black Holes and Tumors

Sorry if I alarmed you with the title but this is what's been on my mind lately. No I don't have a tumor but my sweet dog Kaj'n does. I've been away from this blog for longer than I would have liked because I've been dealing with this and a half a dozen other things. This post tells the story. 

Thanks to tv, movies, and fictional books I have had a great misunderstanding that a Black Hole was some type of tunnel in outer-space that connected one dimension to another. Last week I followed a link from Facebook to NASA's Hubble Telescope Image Gallery and was transported to a whole new world of understanding. The images on the sight are amazing, humbling, and definitely worth checking out. http://hubblesite.org/gallery/ A Black Hole is really an area of condensed matter with a force of gravity so powerful that even light cannot shine out of it.

In a way a feel like I've been living in a little "black hole" of my own lately. It's not terrible here. Actually it's full of life, love, energy, and happiness. It's just that it's been hard for me to focus on anything but the core of my family lately. The implosion into home life began early this summer when my daughter underwent occulo-plastic surgery. The post-op directions for this delicate eye surgery were to keep her as calm, still, and quiet as possible. My daughter is one of the most dynamic, energetic and expressive persons I have ever met. Keeping her content on a couch was a very tall order and required me to pull all my strength, patience, and creativity to help her contain and constructively direct her energy so that she could heal without complications. In order to focus on my new role as "guardian of her eyes," I had to pull away from other areas. I scaled back at work, I had to limit time with friends, and much of the time I devote to healthy habits like exercise, yoga, and writing faded into the background.

After three weeks of confinement we were able to resume some activity but had many restrictions. We had to stay away from water, wind, dirt, and active play which cut out most of our regular activities. I was determined to make this a memorable summer not for the surgery or limitations but because of all the new adventures we would have. We did have a fun and memorable summer but if I'm being honest it was a little exhausting on my end. Willpower comes in handy when your physical and mental energy starts to wane. We sailed through the summer and were looking forward to back to school.

It's not pretty under that shirt
but she sure is.

Of course as life goes, one thing often leads to another. Here's the tumor part of the story. Our dog is almost 12. Even though her face is gray and her reflexes are slowing, she is doing great for her age - except for the tumors. The first one showed up three years ago when a small growth formed, burst, got infected, and needed to be removed. A year later another grew and was removed along with her spleen which also had a tumor. Another year, another tumor. With all the stress of the summer to remember, the question about what to do with the dog, changing seasons and changing rhythms; sickness settled in. From the second day of school until just this week, someone has been sick with something in our house.

This is life. My story is just my story and I'm sure you can relate in your own similar but unique way. Everyone has their own set of life challenges. Relatively, I know mine are small in comparison to what many people are dealing with. I'm grateful for the amount of ease there really is in my life right now. This doesn't mean that I discount what I'm going through. It's heart breaking to see what is happening to my beloved dog. She's my first dog.... my baby. She will not win a battle with cancer. It will take her. It started taking her three years ago. Just like a black hole, her tumors will consume everything in their vicinity; stealing light and energy from her body systems. We've now discovered that every time we cut one of the tumors out, the rest of them will just grow stronger. We take them out however because the alternative is to let her suffer with an infection when they burst. Of course there is the "put the dog to sleep argument" but there's still a lot of life in her and she makes it pretty clear that she wants to be here with us. To someone who hasn't loved a dog like I do it might seem like wasted effort and resources to keep her alive but in every other way she's healthy and happy. She is excited when we have visitors, she loves to be petted and groomed, she loves being treated, taking walks and car rides, and she is always happy to see us home.

I do experience pain walking this path with her. She is clearly in the last phases of her sweet life. Through it all she continues to teach me through example. She is showing me how to live and die with grace. Most of the day she rests. She rests so deeply that many times we come across her and think she's already passed. She's saving her precious energy though. She's saving it for the things she really loves in life. Even though she looks more like a small camel now and has a 14" scar along her side, she still carries her tail high as she trots down the wooded trails with her signature Golden Retriever smile.

Life is full of black holes and tumors. Every one of us experience loss and drains on our energy, focus, and resources. Although we can't always escape the gravity of life's challenges, we can make the most of them. We can nurture ourselves as best as possible and we can appreciate our efforts to hold it all together as we move through these cycles of life. Compassion, understanding, and patience are remarkable tools to help us not only endure the challenges we face but come out stronger, wiser, and more empathetic toward others. As hard as life's challenges are and as much as we wish life could just be easy, the challenges are precisely the things that have the potential to help us grow in an even more positive ways.

Lessons from Life on the Mat
You'll often hear Yoga Teachers say that you should take your practice "Off the Mat" into the world. This means that you take all the positive qualities you develop in a yoga practice into your everyday life. As a teacher, I flip this idea. I define my teaching style as "inspired by the poetry of everyday living." In aligning with this concept, we'll be working on "muscular energy" in classes this week. "Muscular Energy" is the second principle of Anusara Yoga. It's a force we cultivate to integrate ourselves more fully. As we engage all the muscles evenly in the body, we actually limit movement in certain areas so that the body can function as a more harmonic whole. This is a force that keeps you safe as you move into challenging positions and helps all the parts of yourself work better together.